Thursday, March 22, 2018

Spring 2018


It’s Spring time in the Rockies and in true form we’ve gone from 6 inches of snow this past Monday morning, now we’re looking at the 70’s for tomorrow.  This time last year, everything was in upheaval and there were months more upheaval to come. 

These days when everything seems calm, it still feels like nothing will ever be okay again.  The “New Normal” is what we’re led to believe we must get used to.   Not there yet.

Found a new TV show on Netflix that I love.  It’s called “Big Dreams, Small Spaces”.  It’s a show from the UK/BBC and of course the accents alone appeal to me.  Have you noticed that there are almost NO gardening shows left on HGTV – HOME AND GARDEN TV.  All HOME, no GARDEN.  Why is that?  So…………a famous Brit Gardener, Monty Don, comes and helps people who have small gardens to redo and overhaul them.

So now I am inspired, and anxious to get out in My Tiny Garden and take a fresh look at what we’ve done, and what we can do to take it all to the next level. I bought a Garden Journal on Amazon, something I didn’t even know existed.  Sure wish I’d had started it when we first moved in.  It helps you keep track of what you planted, and how each plant did.  It’s also a place to keep record of when things bloom, etc.


The birds are making their way back.  Heard, (didn’t see) a robin.  The Husband saw a Kestrel on the roof next door, but I missed it.  Saw a GIANT Horned Owl this morning, flying behind the house, down what we call “The Bird Highway”.  Flock of Magpies descended on the hill behind the house this week, and I saw my first Mourning Dove while walking Tucker this week.

None of this is interesting to just about anybody.  But Dad will appreciate it.  Thanks Dad, for being my only loyal reader.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

DISRESPECT


I keep trying to get back to writing here.  I like to, and I know it does good things for me.  Even if no one in the world reads it.

Random thoughts pop in my head almost daily.  But somehow by the time I get home each night, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, spend a few rare moments with The Husband...........the energy and will to write are gone.

I've been struggling for quite some time now.  Losing a job unexpectedly nearly three years ago, didn't just change where I went 5 days a week............but changed how I felt about myself.  About my abilities.  Prior to that event,  I had a clear picture of who I am.  Of what I know, of what I'm good at, and clearly what I'm not good at.  I felt comfortable in my own skin.  And maybe I even liked myself..........

Then I had to start over at 55 years old.  Daunting and intimidating.  Seemed no one really understood how deeply I was hurt, and though I don't even like to admit it, much less write it.........

ASHAMED.


So for all the days since, I've bounced back and forth.  From embarrassment, to anger, to sadness, and from time to time, relief.  Mostly that I found a new job.  And though I took a 60% cut in pay, at least I had a job...............and then I would feel grateful.

But something has been gnawing at me all this time, biting hard some days, and then "it" would go quietly into the corner and sleep for a few weeks.  And I'd only notice it in passing.  This afternoon one of those bites came, knocked me to the ground and drew blood.  But then..........

Then I had one of those moments of epiphany.

And this is the song that popped into my head.


I've loved this song since the first time I heard it, but it grew more important over time.  Because especially, "I've proven who I am so many times.................the magnetic strip's worn thin........."

Every time a new youth pastor started at our church, every time a new music pastor started, I had to prove who I was.  And trust me, in just those two categories alone.....there were DOZENS.  And maybe that's just the way it goes in your 20's and your 30's.

But in my late 50's...............here's what it comes down to.

I am weary of the ....................DISRESPECT.

Its not a good feeling to realize that your ideas, your opinions, and especially your Experience is not valued, not respected.  And when that sunk it's teeth in to me today.  I saw it for what is. DISRESPECT.

I was raised by parents who taught me the importance of respecting people.  And I know what it feels like to be respected...........to be sought out for my experience and my opinions.  

Now its up to me...........where do I go from here?























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