Five to One.
I'm thinking that's the ratio.
For every hour you spend hanging out in a hospital, you're actually losing five hours of your life. If you've ever sat vigil with a loved one in a hospital, you know what I mean.
I can't imagine what the ratio is for actually BEING THE PATIENT. Don't know because I've only been in the hospital twice................nah................three times. But I doubt being born counts. So, two overnight stays for simple elective procedures for me. That's all I know, and there were pain medications for having my tonsils out and my knees poked into. Those seemed a breeze.
I am fortunate.
On the other hand, my dear sweet mother has spent more than her fair share of hospital time.
When you add it all together, it's literally been months she's put up with all the travails of hospitals. From surgeries and procedures, to poking and prodding, and all the indignities she's suffered, to fix her heart and her brain, to keep her here.
She is the toughest woman I know. On more than one occasion I've screamed at God and begged Him not to take her, On more than one occasion I've told Him it was okay to take her. Just take away her pain,
And like a Timex watch, she takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
So it's been this summer. In for a week, out for a week. Back for more.
As I write this, she's been moved out of ICU and into a better room. Little Bro says it's the nicest room so far. For each of us who love her, every moment you're not there with her, you feel you should be..................
And so its hard to sleep, or eat, or work, or focus on any thing else.
No matter how many time she tells us to go home, that she's fine................you want to be there and make sure she's comfortable and getting the best care possible.
The only thing that's nearly as difficult as dealing with all of this...............is the sense I get when I'm walking down a hospital hall. Following the stupid colored line on the floor.........and then getting to an ICU or a CCU and walking past people in a room, in a bed, all alone.
No one sitting in the God awful uncomfortable chair next to the bed. No one asking nurses and doctors what's going on.
My heart breaks for those all alone people.
Because we will be there for my Mom. As long as it takes. Where ever the road takes us.
And I pray for all alone people, and wondered if I missed my calling.