Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ignoring the Still Small Voice

We pay the price when we don't listen to the still, small voice.

I've tried for most of my life to always listen. I do. I really listen.

I also have this "thing" about leaving nothing left unsaid. I have gone to amazing lengths on occasion, to make sure that I have left nothing unsaid. Even when it's hard, or scary, or uncomfortable.

But yesterday I found out the cost of not listening, of not pushing through my hesitations.

I phoned a dear friend......... who I haven't spoken to in more years than I want to admit out loud. I have thought of her hundreds? thousands? of times. I have started to call, only to stop and second guess myself.

But all summer I have thought of her, and the way she and her husband were there for me in some of the hardest days of my life. But I didn't call.

Yesterday, I took a deep breath and dialed the number.

She answered, the familiar voice making me shake just a bit.........

But in only a few moments of conversation, the sad news came out.

Her Beloved drifted out of this life..........into the next.........just a few weeks ago. After fifty plus years of marriage.........she and her three children bid him farewell, and begin to figure out life here without him.

I am full of sorrow. For their loss.

I am full of awe. At her grace and dignity in that loss.

I can see her Roger, leaning back in a chair, laughing so hard that the tears run down his face.............a sight I had the privilege of witnessing many times, during all those peaceful, rejuvenating visits to their home.

I'm so thankful to God for the gift of our memories, so we can experience those moments from the past.

Even when we waited too long............to call.

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